Jitters

I get the jitters if it's been a while! I feel like an addict.

Last Sunday I restated and restarted my soberness. By restate I mean, FULL abstinence, things like touching myself in the shower is only for cleaning purposes NOTHING ELSE, fantasizing must be stopped once noticed instead of indulging and further hurting myself. Looking at pictures but not touching myself, is still a form of acting out. Touching myself but not reaching orgasm is stills acting out!

So by restating the terms of my soberness I was able to restart my rehabilitation. So it's been 8 full days now. And it sucks!!! my cooping mechanisms are gone... what else am I suppose to do!?! oh well I'll figure it out!

So I was proposed the idea by my best friend that I start dating. Yep actually dating with a curfew, so no one night stands! I've never dated... I'm scared. All my past relationships have all been to get laid not to find love. Ironically through the getting laid I found love... yet it wasn't love. NOPE. It was lust! oh lust how I loath you!

So another realization another day.

sanh