Sex Addict = Hurting People

So being a sex addict only means you end up hurting people... and yourself.

Hi my name for this blog is Sanh (sex addict needing help). This isn't a call out for help, the SAA (sex addicts anonymous http://saa-recovery.org) is there for that. This is to express how I feel, not to justify myself not to try and change peoples minds that being a sex addict is OK. You see being a sex addict comes with terrible consequences, the biggest one for me is the expression of feelings. Today I finally did it, I'm writing a Blog about my feelings and hopefully that will help me become better; to myself and everyone around me.

When I was young I was abused sexually, physically and most definitely, mentally abused. The family I was raised in had and has no idea how to convey emotions. When I was ten my brother found my uncles porn stash and he just had to show me. And thus started the next decades of pain and suffering I have been going through. I will admit all the years of masturbation caused no problems to anyone other than me and my soul, although once my addiction reached other people that's where all the trouble began.

When one has no feelings to convey what is there to speak of. For one, there's sex and parties. At a very young age (can't even remember when it actually all started) I learned that sleeping with as many girls is what we strive to do. THIS IS WRONG I know, merely giving you an insight at how I was brought up. Basically I am at the point where I want MY life to be mine, yet I find myself in public situations where I will only be interested in the prettiest person around... avoiding all others and only looking for a physical relationship with the ONE person present. Meanwhile I'm telling myself that I'm looking for one and only... sex doesn't NOT equal finding the right one. Especially when sex isn't even good anymore. Just the search for the sex is so entrancing that one in bed with the partner, who's name is always forgotten, is just sex, emotionless and empty. Porn actually fills in the void that I can't fill with sex. You see my emotions are so hidden that I can't even open to the person with whom I'm sleeping, and most likely exchanging STDs (Sexually Transmitted Disease) or STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) for anyone British.

At this point you've realized that my mind runs at about 1000 mp/h or 1609.344 km/h. Emotions are so hidden inside of me that I have a lot of problems putting words to the actually emotions felt, whether it be at a shopping mall with someone who's really annoying and I blow up or at home when all I want is peace and everyone asks me to do everything... so it seems. Right there I can't even explain two possible situations because I don't know how the interactions should be.

So thanks mom and dad for not teaching me emotions... I'll find out what they are on my own. As for my addiction, I'll try to keep my hands to myself and refrain from going online........

sanh